Step Into the Shoes of a Person with Autism

There's a saying that's often repeated because it's true: If you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism. That's because children (and adults) on the autism spectrum are very different from one another. There is not a correct road map to follow when raising, teaching and loving them.

Parents’ stories – from autism diagnosis to hope

Most of the parents that have began the process of helping their children by listening to the stories of other parents, have notice similarities with our own children and our own experiences and proceeding from there to explore possibilities in autism treatments and therapy options. Approaches that can lead to improve a healthy and quality life for our children and adults on the spectrum. Following some of these treatments, sometimes as simple as a change in diet and eating habits, children’s negative behaviours can be reduced, sometimes significantly, and parents often report an overall reduction in severity of symptoms of autism.

We gain insight and direction from each other’s stories, and also hope, as well as admonitions and warnings. This story has been generously shared by parents who have seen improvements in their children’s overall health and behavior. They recount their experience of the devastation brought by a diagnosis of autism, which then acted as a catalyst for renewed vigour and determination as they set off on their quest to help their children.

RECOMMENDED BLOG: Understanding the Types of Autism Spectrum Disorder

Lilia’s Autism Journey

"I did not know much about autism, or any developmental abnormalities for that matter, so up to the age of three we thought there was nothing particularly wrong with our daughter Lilia. She was not a good sleeper, had lots of eczema, chest and ear infections, and was terrified of loud noises and live music, and indulged in a ‘mad dance routine’ (which, as we learned later, qualified as a repetitive self stimulatory behaviour). We also later learned that those early signs and symptoms – those toddler health problems like allergies and infections are linked to autism.

Lilia was also was partial to a snack of playdough, glue, sand, soil, or anything inedible that she could put in her mouth, long after all her teeth appeared.

She did not have the usual baby banter, but instead recited her favourite books and long poems by heart.

Instead of playing with toys, she preferred books; she would read for hours and insist on us reading to her endlessly. The GP and health visitors told us she was perfectly OK, we did not worry.

Then we happened to be overseas for Christmas with a particularly nasty spell of ear infections and saw a doctor. The system is different to here, so when a child sneezes, you see a qualified pediatrician. She sorted out the ear infection (by an industrial dose of antibiotics) and told us that our child was developmentally delayed. Obviously, we did not believe her – Lilia was bright, she could read and count, and was good at all academic parameters suitable for her age.

Still, the doctor said we’d better check her out. We did, and got a referral to a pediatrician in the UK. The pediatrician had no doubts – Lilia had autism – talking about the ‘triad of impairments’ Lilia has all the classical symptoms in social interaction and communication, and her ability to use language for communication was practically non-existent.  She can read and count? – this certainly points to autism.

The doctor told us bluntly: “Your child has a disability for life. There is no cure, but you will have support in the community”.

To say that we were devastated is an understatement. The suddenness of it was shattering – one minute you think you have a normal child with a bright future, and in an instant you are told your child will have no prospect of ever leading a fulfilling and independent life.

It was just as hard for my husband, but he went out to work every day, and I stayed at home with Lilia – we could never leave her with a babysitter, as she screamed if held by anyone other than my husband, my elder daughter and me, from the age of a few weeks old, so I had no respite. I was looking at her and thinking about this every second of every day (and many nights), all consumed by grief and despair.

Autism as a whole body disorder

We started action straight away. All official sources we turned to told us that autism was untreatable and incurable. This was too hard to bear, and I refused to believe it. I opened up internet, read a few books and started action.

We tried everything that was available. There was no time to lose – if a child misses vital stages of development, they may not be able to catch up on them later, so it is important to start intervention as early as possible.

It made sense to me that autism is a whole body disorder. Sleepless nights and upside down immune system and GI problems that go together with social and communication issues – this was our case.

Amongst the first things we tried was a nutritional intervention program. During our first meeting with a nutritional therapist it was explained to us that in most cases autism was caused by underlying medical conditions which are treatable, therefore, it is possible to treat and in some cases even recover from autism.

This was such a welcome revelation after the hopeless NHS approach of a disability for life! The practitioner took the time to explain in detail the correlation between genetic and environmental factors in the escalation of autism and gave us an understanding how to change our lifestyle to minimize Lilia’s exposure to factors that make it worse. He was the first person who gave us hope and aspiration for a better life for Lilia. We did the tests and started the intervention program.

The effects were not immediate, but we saw a steady improvement, month by month, in all areas of Lilia’s condition, which is continuing to this day.

Re-gaining age-appropriate play skills

At about the same time we started our ABA program. We had neither time nor resources for a full scale ABA therapy, and initially were put off by big companies who recommended 20-40 hours a week. Then we came by a lady who said that such a program will be beneficial, even if we can only do a few hours a week.

We were extremely lucky to find the best ABA therapist we could ever hope for. Oana immediately established close contact and understanding with Lilia, and turned her around in a matter of months.

The first thing that Lilia was taught was to ask for things. Unless you know an autistic child, you will never understand what it means to have a three year old who never says ‘I want’ and then to experience an incredible joy when the child finally says it!

Within a couple of months Lilia could express her wishes verbally. The pediatrician told us she had no play skills – in a few months her play skills were almost age appropriate. Every academic target on the program was reached within weeks, language and social skills took a bit longer.

Our biggest challenge at the age of 4 was to get Lilia into a nursery. She had extreme separation anxiety and if I left her in the nursery she would cry as long as she was there. We tried 4 nurseries and after a settling in period of about 2-3 months we were told ‘It is better is she does not come here’.

It was heart breaking for us and for Lilia.

That was until we found the Little Smile Nursery. They agreed to take our therapists to help settle Lilia in and followed their advice on how to deal with her. By then we had an excellent ABA team and they tackled this problem head on. Social stories, replay scenarios, books and all other means implemented by experienced and caring people had their effect; very soon Lilia was happily settled in the nursery. Then the ABA team and nursery staff tackled toilet training – it took a bit longer, but by the time Lilia started school she was happy and confident in a school environment, free from major behaviour problems.

Overcoming many other challenges and difficulties

Our ABA program, which has always been the Verbal Behaviour type, incorporates all aspects of Lilia’s development. As she had considerable fine and gross motor skills problems, occupational therapy was very important. Having no luck with the NHS in that respect we had private sessions at the Hope Centre and the input from these weekly sessions was incorporated into the ABA sessions at home. When Lilia started school and could not come to their gym any more, their knowledgeable therapist Bernadette came to our ABA sessions to give advice to our therapists.

This flexibility, combined with extensive and specialized training of consultants and therapists makes the ABA approach an ideal learning platform for any child with autism. It has the flexibility to incorporate within one program  any type of interaction needed for a particular child, for example in our case; OT, physical exercises, speech and language therapy etc, thus taking this approach beyond an educational intervention to improve all aspects of the child development.

We are trying to expose Lilia to as many experiences in life as possible. Lilia is learning to play the piano and goes to lots of music concerts, which help a lot with her auditory processing disorder. She does ballet and gymnastics and has an extensive exercise program to help with gross motor skills.

Her love of books and excellent memory allows her to enjoy a wide variety of subjects – from history to geography and languages, going to museums, dancing, sports, travelling, going to the theatre and every child event in London that we can go to, time permitting – autism has never been a barrier to fully enjoy the many opportunities for children in London.

Lilia is bilingual – but prefers English. We go overseas to see my parents twice a year and I want Lilia to be able to communicate with them and our friends there.

Health wise, we had a major breakthrough when we started gluten, casein and sugar free diet about a year ago. Previously, at the beginning of the nutritional program, we tried the gluten free diet and did not see benefits. However, our new nutritionist advised to stay away from casein and soya, as well as sugar, and the results were spectacular. Lilia started sleeping through the night – previous sleep has been a big problem for 5 years. Her allergies improved, repetitive behaviour disappeared and we saw major positive changes in all aspects of her behaviour.

Currently our ABA programme concentrates on Lilia’s communication skills and social development. Our therapists are highly inventive to make the sessions exciting and motivating for Lilia. Our consultant explains to them – and to us – how Lilia thinks, why she does the things she does and how to help her develop the skills she needs to enjoy a happy and fulfilling life as a fully normal member of the society. At our last meeting he said that apart from a few issues coming from emotional immaturity Lilia has no other major autistic traits. Lilia started school at the Speech Language and Communication Unit which is part of a mainstream school and is now working towards being in the mainstream setting with minimum support.

The hardest thing for any parent is when there is no hope for a better future for your child. This does not have to be the case for autism! There is a lot of research going on, primarily in the USA, which proves that it is treatable, these children can be happy in our society if they receive the right intervention.

There are a lot of options available. Play therapy, music therapy, listening program, speech and language therapy, yoga, homeopathy, cranial osteopathy – we found it all helped. However, for us it was the combination of the nutritional program/diet and ABA that had the biggest impact.

We still have a few problems to overcome, in terms of Lilia’s social communication and medical issues, but the progress we have made so far gives us hope for the best possible outcome – recovery from autism.

This was our journey through autism. It could have been easier if the authorities, who give us support, gave parents access to those options, particularly the nutritional interventions and ABA. Pediatricians and Outreach Autism Teams have the power to start parents and their kids on the road to recovery from autism –  will they use that power?

Written by Lilia’s Mum from

One of the most wonderful things about a book is its ability to reveal to us a little piece of ourselves. When we can relate to a story or a character, we are left with a better understanding of who we are and what our purpose may be.

This might be most true for children on the autism spectrum. Because things like relating to others, understanding emotions, and making and keeping friends are common challenges faced by children with autism, reading about autistic characters can often act as an outlet and a learning tool to discovering one’s own place in the world.

Check our blog The Best Books for Children under the Spectrum & Neurodiverse Kids


1 comment

  • To find all the help that seemed to be available to Lillia is almost impossible to find in NSW , Australia.
    Then to get the funding for all the therapies is almost impossible. It breaks this grandmother‘S heart.

    Diane McLauchlan

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